And The Days Keep Coming

It has been 5 weeks and 2 days since my brother disappeared.  It has been 3 weeks and 4 days since our friend's 9 month old baby girl (only 6 weeks younger than my own daughter) was diagnosed with leukemia.  It has been 1 week and 6 days since I lost a friend to alcohol abuse.

I have struggled to see the light in the world lately.  I've wallowed in the senseless sadness this world seems to bring every day.  I've searched for a reason, something to make sense of all this darkness.  I've questioned God.  I've lay awake at night wondering what's next.  Surely the next tragedy cannot be far off, surely my little family has been blessed for far too long.

How am I suppose to get up and rejoice in another day?  How can I find joy in the "little things" when the "big things" seem to be taking over?

I've realized something this past month.  It's not about tomorrow, it's not about how many blessings we can accumulate, or how much more happiness we can experience.  Today truly is an amazing gift.  It seems so simple but its not.

I get caught up in the pressure of living life to its fullest.  What can I do to ensure I experience as much joy in my life as I POSSIBLY CAN?  I get so caught up that I realize I've spent another day sucking the life out of myself in an attempt to get the most out of everything.

Thank you Lord for today, for another day with my beautiful family, for another day we are in good health with a roof over our heads.

I'll never understand why things happen the way they do.  It's not in my nature to not put a reason to an event, to not justify the nature of what has happened.  But once the anger, guilt, depression, and confusion fades away I am left with a feeling of contentment.  Today is enough, everything else I put in God's hands.  How much better it is there than in my own.

It has been 5 weeks since I had my last drink.  I will not numb the pain, or the joy, or any other emotion life brings with alcohol.  It has been 1 week and 6 days since we celebrated Conor's 4th year on this earth with good friends and family.  It has been 2 days since C and I got married.

Through the sadness, I've seen so much more.  I've seen a community come together and selflessly give financially to support the young parents of the little girl fighting leukemia.  I've seen the kindness of strangers as my own family struggles to come to terms with the disappearance of my brother.  I've seen far more love than there is darkness.

It's hard to see the good in this life when the bad is pulling you down, but it's there.  And I thank God I'm here to see it another day.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 5, 2014. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

2 Responses to “And The Days Keep Coming”

  1. This is so beautifully written. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through what you've been through in the last months, but your perspective and your strength touched me. My prayers are with you as the days keep on coming and you continue to get through them - holding the grace of it all in one hand and the brutality of it all in the other - as best you can.

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